Review: Dragonfruit

Imagine that one lovely morning, you get on a plane and travel to Thailand. You get off the plane, wander into the street, and decide to celebrate your arrival by trying some kind of new, exotic foods. You go up to a stall, and the guy sells you a beautiful pink fruit that looks like it's straight out of National Geographic. The guy tells you that this is a dragonfruit. This makes sense, since the outside has all these petal-flap-thingies that look kinda like dragon scales when you squint.

You sit down on the curb and break open the dragonfruit with a knife. I don't know where you got the knife. Maybe you stole it out of a suitcase at the baggage claim. Maybe you are Edward Scissorhands. Maybe you are a cyborg and used your laser-vision to slice it open.

Whatever method, you get the damn thing open. You look inside, and... HORROR MOVIE MUSIC!!!!!!!

What. The. Hell. Is. This.

This fruit is like one of those kitschy pictures of the fruits that look like other fruits on the inside, like on the outside it looks like an orange but it's sliced in half and they doctored the picture to look like a kiwi on the inside.

You see how this is a tomato on the outside but a kiwi on the inside? That kind of thing.

You feel like Alice in Wonderland. Except you're in Thailand, so it's more like Alice in Thailand. Do they even have dragonfruit in Thailand? I might have made that up.

But for real, this fruit/abomination hybrid proves that there is no God. Or if there is, then He is one sick, messed-up individual. You need help, God. From a professional.