Review: Corgis

A corgi is basically a regular dog that has had its normal legs removed and replaced with itty bitty stumpies.

This is a helpful diagram that I made. It took several hours because I am not good at things.

Pembroke Welsh Corgis are one of the two corgi breeds that are accepted by the official animal people that decide what breeds are real. They have a name, I just don't know what it is. I'm being ignorant today.

Corgis have been bred to be as equally useless as they are visually hilarious. Yes, I know, corgis are shepherding dogs. But you know what? Sheep basically shepherd themselves. I know this to be fact because of Lamb's Farm. That's a place in Gurnee or someplace north of where I live that has all these farm animals in pens, and kids can go in and pet all the animals and feed them brown pellets. The pellets are made of foods, I believe.

ANYWAY corgis do not do anything useful. That is the definition of being useless.

According to the internet, corgis are a rather intelligent breed. They can understand all kinds of things. According to me, corgis are incredibly stupid. My family adopted Lucy the corgi in the fall of 2004, and she is still stupid. Granted, we did get her off random people on the internet. It wasn't even through an official organization or anything. Lesson learned: you get what you pay for. Never buy animals on clearance.

These are things that are annoying about Lucy:

1. She only loves my mom.

2. When I say that she only loves my mom, I mean that she snarls at every single person that is not my mom. This includes me.

3. She barks really really loudly.

4. When everyone in the family goes upstairs to go to sleep, Lucy will sometimes forget to follow one of us upstairs. When she realizes that she is downstairs alone, she will bark incessantly until one of my parents comes to lead her upstairs.

5. If my mom goes upstairs, Lucy goes upstairs. If my mom goes to the bathroom, Lucy waits morosely outside the door. It's creepy.

6. Lucy is only nice to me when there's something in it for her, like food.

7. If Lucy gets stuck upstairs, she will bark until someone gives her the command, "Lucy, come!" Then she will plop down the stairs and wait for a treat, like she totally deserves it because she is so brilliant.

8. Sometimes people who come over will accuse us of cutting off her tail, which is stupid because corgis don't have tails, but this simple answer is somehow not good enough for people who insist that I am a criminal who amputates tails. My comic book villain alias is The Amputator.

A morose blob of dog.

Summary: corgis are dumb but hilarious because they are dogs shaped like tubes. Tubes are obviously innately funny.