Review of Hong Kong

The first time I found out that Hong Kong was more than just a city was during the London Olympics. I was obsessed. I followed every single sport on the official Olympics website, including things like judo and weight lifting and archery. Who even knew that archery was an official sport? I thought it was one of those things that they have at Renaissance fairs, like tunics and nasty food. But no, archery is a real thing, and apparently it is quite difficult.

On the Olympics website, they had little pictures of flags next to each of the athletes' names. This is how I know the difference between Norway's flag and Denmark's flag (Norway's is red with a blue cross, and Denmark is red with a white cross), and this is also how I know that Nepal didn't get the memo that all the other countries made their flags into rectangles.

No, Nepal. This is not what a rectangle looks like.

When I looked at the teams for all the different countries, I noticed something peculiar. Next to some athletes, there was a picture of a flag that looked like this:

This is Hong Kong's flag.

Next to other athletes, there was a flag that looked like this:

This is China's flag.

This was perplexing. I'd previously thought that Hong Kong was a city in China, but the Olympic Committee seemed to think that they are different countries.

Two weeks after the Olympics ended, I happened to actually go to Hong Kong. This was the perfect opportunity to solve the mystery of what exactly Hong Kong is.

This is what Hong Kong is: it is a country that is technically sort of in China, but it has its own flag, its own government, its own currency, its own internet, and its own Disneyland. Also, Hong-Kongians drive on the other side of the road. This is a result of British influence, which also explains why the concierge at the hotel was kind of snobby.

Us: Are there any breakfast restaurants that are open now?
Concierge guy: *snobby snorting sounds* Do you know what time it is?
Us: ...We just got in last night. (Hello? Does 'jet lag' not mean anything to you? You work at a hotel!)
Concierge guy: Well there aren't any restaurants open now that serve breakfast. *looks down at his papers*
Me: FEED ME NOOOOOOW BLARGHBLARABALAAAA YOU'LL NEVER BE AS COOL AS THE REAL BRITAIN HARBALLYBLAHHAHA

After one tempter tantrum and several minutes of begging for help, the guy finally pointed us in the vague direction of a Starbucks, where we found that Hong-Kongese Frappuccinos come in the flavors of 'Red' and 'Green' or something like that. Hong Kong, did you even pass kindergarten? Those are colors, not flavors. Clearly you and Nepal were not paying attention.

Besides the alternate-reality Starbucks, Hong Kong has some pretty good food. It's a very international pseudo-country-city-thing, so there's a wide variety of cuisines. Their sushi places are legit. Like the best damn sushi you will ever have in your life.

The shopping is also incredible. It's like every country in Europe and Asia decided that they needed to open up a flagship store in the same mall, and that mall just happens to be in Hong Kong. No where else in the world will you find such a huge number of things you can't afford to buy.

Speaking of money... there's something very wrong with the economy in this place. You know how much a manicure cost at the hotel? Not even a fancy super-spa-lotion-massage manicure, like a bare-bones polish change. Those things shouldn't cost more than $10. A regular manicure at a fancy-shmancy overpriced spa can cost around $20-25, and those are very rarely worth the extra cash. In Hong Kong, the manicures at the hotel cost SEVENTY DOLLARS. And that was the super-quick-polish-change manicure! Not even a "signature blahblah manicure" or whatever. When I first read that, I thought I'd gotten the exchange rate wrong, but alas. No manicures for me. Which was unfortunate, because my nails were really long and nasty, and all the fashionable people were probably judging me, and on the plane ride home I tried to adjust my shirt and accidentally stuck my nail right through the fabric and now there's a big hole.

The other big issue with Hong Kong is the smog. Why in the world is it so smoggy there? I thought I was going to die of pollution right then and there. It's insanity, I tell you! But really, it was hard to walk around outside because it was so smogarific, plus it was like 90+ degrees outside and humid. I tend to melt in humidity. Also I was going through a phase where I wouldn't wear deodorant because my old deodorant had run out and the amount of options at the store was too overwhelming and so I waited until the situation got really really desperate and then got a recommendation from my mom but the whole process took a couple months. SUMMARY: I smelled bad, more judgements from European/Asian/anything non-American fashion club, embarrassment to the family, etc.

But aside from all my complain-ings, the absolute best thing that happened in Hong Kong was when the five of us (my family and I) got mobbed by this big group of Hong-Kongian 6-year-olds who were in some kind of international summer-school-camp thing, and they wanted to interview Americans in English so they could fill out some kind of sheet for a project or something. And they were so adorable, so my brother and sister and I each answered the same English questions over and over again for this big line of kids, and we had to restrain ourselves from taking them home because they were so cute.

I spent a lot of time repeating how to spell 'tofu' in English.

Is that not the cutest thing ever?! My heart explodes when I look at that picture. Just for that, Hong Kong, you get an A+. But.... you probably should figure out what country you are at some point, and you should let the Olympics Committee know. They like to be informed of that kind of thing.