Review: Targeted Marketing

I hate targeted marketing. For those not in the know, targeted marketing is when ads pop up on the sides of websites that are supposed to be geared specifically towards you/your demographic. Like when you search for porn on the internet, you never see ads for Verizon or Subway or 2 for 1 mattresses at the Mattress Man (if that's even a thing). Or when you go on facebook, and all the ads on the side are for things like shoes and makeup, because OBVIOUSLY if you are a girl between the age of 0-103, all you want are shoes and makeup. Not that I don't like makeup or shoes, but how many different black eyeliners do I need to own? I don't even like black eyeliner, it makes me look like the walking dead.

Actually, there was a dark period in my life where I would wear this dark blue eyeliner on my lower lid, but I wouldn't wash it off for a couple days and it would get all smudged and gross, and people would try to tell my that my eyeliner was smudged but I would turn my nose up and say in a haughty voice, "It's called a smoky eye," which is a makeup thing that I don't really understand.

Anyway, targeted marketing is supposed to be "the way of the future". Business people and marketing executives are always talking about the effectiveness of targeting marketing and controversies over internet privacy and all those exciting things. I find this to be silly because really, if you use the internet, everyone already knows everything about you. It doesn't matter how many numbers and capital letters are in your password, hackers can find out EVERYTHING. The reason you shouldn't worry about it is that really, no one cares. Does everyone think that they are so interesting that all the hackers and governments are trying to get into your inboxes? Because no one cares about your addiction to argyle dog sweaters on Amazon.com, or the follow-up emails from your gynecologist, or the results of all those personality quizzes that you take (Your spirit animal is: the Cockroach!).

Moral of the story: targeted marketing is stupid because every time I check my spam folder on gmail, it starts showing me ads for Spam the food. I don't want Spam the food. I don't even know what that is, and it comes in a can, and it looks like cat food. Shnasty mcnasty.