Review Of Other People's Reviews: Leonidas

ANNOUNCEMENT: What is the fun of writing reviews if you can't comment on other people's reviews?

Answer: It is less fun.

So as of RIGHT NOW, I'm going to review other people's reviews, because sometimes I read reviews online and I want to smack the reviewer in the face. If your review isn't relevant and/or helpful, then get off the internet because no one likes you and you have no friends.

Today's review of a review (review-ception! (except I didn't even see Inception (parentheses within parentheses are the new sexy))) is a Yelp review of a chocolate store in Northbrook, IL.

Let's break down this review line by line:

• "I feel like Tom Hanks from the movie Big when he's in the meeting room about the robot that turns into a building....I mean, how is that any fun? Who wants to play with a building? I DON'T GET IT."

What? What does that have to do with anything? It's not a Lego store, it's a chocolate store. Stop trying to be funny, you're doing it wrong.

• "Leonidas, I DON'T GET IT. There are a million cafes (and robots) that turn into something, and this one turns into a hot cocoa and chocolate cafe?!?"

Again: what?? The building didn't 'turn into' a cafe. That's not how real estate works. And your analogy with Tom Hanks and robots still doesn't make any sense.

• "There is a Caribou and a Starbucks within walking distance of this place, and I can get equally as good hot chocolate there for a much cheaper price. Chocolate is not really my thing either, so I guess I am a bit bias here as well. But COME ON MAAAAAN!" 

Sooo chocolate isn't your thing, but you're reviewing a chocolate cafe? Am I missing something here? And stop using your keyboard to whine. It's weird and annoying.

• "The only thing I might be interested in coming back in and trying are the crepes."

You didn't even try them? Did you eat even a single thing at this place? You clearly do not understand the concept of a review.

• "They have savory crepes too with diff meats and cheeses, but I don't think this is really what they are known for doing. If I ever get the urge for a crepe (not too likely), I'd probably have a lot more fun and save a lot more money making them at home."

Who the fuck makes crepes at home?! And no, you would not save money making them at home, because you would still have to buy all the ingredients and stuff, and the crepe-making machine, and any crepes you would make probably taste like stupid.

• "Sorry Leonidas, but you are in a prime time location for downtown NB and everything you have to offer is pretty much covered by the already existing Baskin Robbins, Caribou and Starbucks in town."

Last time I checked, none of those places were chocolate cafes. Just because they all make foods that are the color brown doesn't mean that they are the same thing. Also last time I checked, you were a terrible person and do not deserve internet privileges.

Grade: -1,000 stars. The worst review ever. We are all aware that this person is hoping someone will click the 'Useful' or 'Funny' button. However, this will never happen because this person is the opposite of both those things.