Review: Traffic

I think everyone in the world can agree that traffic is the worst possible thing ever. It’s boring, you can’t use the time productively, and if you space out for even a second you run the risk of A) an accident, or B) being pulled over. It sucks, and it’s stupid.

When you live in Chicago and you drive from the northern suburbs to the Loop, you have to try and avoid rush hour. The phrase ‘rush hour’ is misleading because it implies that there is a single solitary hour during which there is a rush. In reality, there are several hours of “rush hour” at a time, and they often occur 4+ times a day.

Here is an example of a rush hour schedule on the highway:

7:00 AM – 11:30 AM = Rush hour 1

3:00 PM – 7:00 PM = Rush hour 2

Actually I take it back, there are only 2 rush hours per day.

BUT there can be traffic for other reasons! Sometimes there is construction, and sometimes there are accidents, and sometimes the roads are slippery. And also certain days, like Friday afternoons, can be a lot more frustrating than normal afternoons. On Friday afternoons, the lanes of the highways that go to the city are more clogged up than arteries. Specifically arteries that are clogged. Like with hamburgers and stuff. That’s a thing, I think. I’m not a cardiologist.

Actually once I did a project in 7^th grade on the circulatory system, and for my visual component I painted veins and arteries onto a naked mannequin. My dad got the mannequin for me off of eBay. He (the mannequin) got a lot of attention because I insisted that he only wear half a pair of shorts because how can you see the veins and arteries if he’s wearing shorts over them?! Duh! So he wore the back half of a pair of my dad’s old shorts glued onto his butt, and the whole front was naked. The whole thing was very exciting. I think I named the mannequin Bob, because Bob is the funniest name ever.

So yes arteries! Clogs. Cars. All of those. Traffic sucks.